Guide Number Four
(1) Walk with INTENT
(2) Ask Everyone you encounter their proper "Christian" name
(3) Treat all individuals as soft furry animals sleeping in the grass
(4) Speak with Honesty, even if it puts a Colt '45 to your temple with a hollow point in the chamber
(5) Maintain appropriate eye contact
(6) Remember where you parked the car
(7) Remember to forget
Guide Number Six
- Respect the landlord
- Don't share your problems
- Don't show your weakness
- Don't tip the cabbie
- Only fill up the tank in NJ
- Supply, stock and shelve Boxed Red Wine
- AVOID ALL EYE contact
- Shoot the messenger (2 in the chest, 1 in the head)
- Only compliment yourself
- Only use "otis" elevators
- Wear wooden shoes up escalators
- Obey all stoplight signals
Guide Number Nine
- Replace all Church hymn lyrics with the word Watermelon (you will leave feeling better)
- Write Russian literature on company post-it notes
- Learn Spanish Cursive
- Lock your car doors three times
- Enjoy your HARD earned 3 day weekend
- Always be full of pride, even if it kills your friends and family while Strengthening your enemies
- Subscribe to Readers Digest
- Be the applause, NEVER receive it
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
i go by my middle name. it causes problems sometimes on official documents and at airports.
ReplyDeletei always fill up my tank in nj. its common knowledge they are the cheapest around.
i usually remember where i park my car (when i have one), but one time, in 4th grade, i went to disney world with my mom and we rented a white sedan. all the rentals in orlando are white sedans. so we circled the daffy duck lot for hours clicking the door remote...we locked the doors 3x at least that night.
watermelon taste better then jesus saves, especially on hot summer sunday afternoons. unless he's saving watermelon - cleansing it of its sins, i mean seeds.
much enjoyed this post nero. cheers.
Did I know you go by your middle name? Something about reading your comment makes me think we broached the topic once before, but hey who remembers these things.
ReplyDeleteI was Unaware of the common Knowledge in the Sleepy Hollow/Syracuse NY area to take the Jersey Turnpike and get low rate gas; intarwsting.
The Daffy Duck parking lot routine is one I know (and I think we all do) all too well.
As for the worry some cleansing of watermelon seeds... I can only say that it must be qualified with the Genetically Modified/Engineered Watermelons readily available at your Local Super Market.
Your comment is beautiful and makes me Smile =DDDDD