Personal Responsibility: "Is Heroin Too Tempting?"

Ladies of the Senate,
Nip the buds. Shoot your kids.
Fifty generations of imbeciles are enough, the scourge of youth must finally be addressed. Like rotten maggot filled pomegranates still clung to the tree, America's youths need to be ground into an industrial paste we can sell to soft drink companies.

We have options. Ladies, think of the economy. One solution that occurs to me just now: Enlist all under 30, illegals included, into an entertainment militia. Ship them to Dachau and film them tearing each other to bits. It could have bi-weekly installments on HBO. Other options, pack youths into concrete encasements and use them to plug up BP oil leaks- Topical! Urban renewal Afganistan: ship 'em over and make a reality series (think of the rent and utility money!). Cultivate a phoney youth revolution, collectivize academics and non-profits, then purge the departments at will- Ho-ho! Weave uranium strands into skinny pants, perhaps positioned over the wearer's erogenous zone, hopefully exposure will sterilize this sub-population. Imagination is our only limit!

Ladies, ladies, clearly the details need to be investigated further- and economic output maximized. But for now, let us pass motion of intent and support.

I can see some of our gathered member's rolling their eyes. But cynics! Notice our opposition- there's none! We've all half-thought these measures through to ourselves, in quiet moments spoiled by youth's rancor. These beasts cannot even keep clean the nice things we bestow them in charity, much less even attempt to better themselves.

There is room for only one allegiance in each heart, youths have made their choice. We Americans, however, must reconfirm our own faith and see the inevitable course through.

Ladies, a mother's love must be brutal and unflinching.
It is spring: nip the buds. Shoot your kids.